A fire breaks out in an occupied house one night. Immediately an alarm is sounded and help is notified. Unfortunately for this family, Big Government takes on the case. The Chief Executive Bureaucrat himself, who has no experience in fighting fires, no knowledge about fire rescue and no executive experience whatsoever assumes command because, as he has said before, “we won, you lost – get over it.” It is unclear just how Big Government got involved here anyway, but this is an emergency and the trapped family hopes for any help they can get.

The local fire department responds but sees that this is a big fire and they need help. Other neighboring Lesser Big Governments offer their assistance, their equipment and their expertise. The Chief Executive Bureaucrat refuses their help by saying, “We are the Biggest Government and we are in charge.” The local fire department, surprised at being denied help from other Lesser Big Governments, is now trying other means to rescue the family and put out the fire. The fire is now spreading to other houses and there is much concern because this is a vacation area for tourists.

The Chief Executive Bureaucrat holds press conferences to allay the people’s fears. “Don’t worry, we have a boot to the neck of the fire chief and any procedure that they want to try must be approved by Big Government.”  Can the fire chief use foam to put out the fire? No, what if birds land in the foam and it tickles their little bird feet? The fire chief wants to attempt to rescue the family by using an axe to chop down the door. You can’t, what kind of message does an axe send to people? A reporter asks just what, if any, expertise Big Government has in handling situations like this and is immediately escorted out of the room. People are assured that those responsible for the fire will be brought to justice. The fire rages on.

A neighbor of the trapped family wants to save his house and his family and is frustrated at the lack of progress of Big Government. He decides to build a berm between the fire and his house. Big Government tells him that he cannot do this since Big Government is in charge and knows better. The neighbor can only build the wall after a Big Government study is done to determine any possible harm to the neighbor’s property that can result from a privately built berm. What if the berm is not built to Big Government standards? The neighbor’s house cathches fire too. A moratorium on all new house building is then enacted.

Another press conference. Here the Chief Executive Bureaucrat decides to talk tough. He lets his critics know that he is furious and looking for “whose ass to kick.” Meanwhile, the fire rages on and the C.E.B. goes to an amusment park for an ice cream cone and to check out a new pinball machine there that he’s heard is really cool. A photo-op is soon planned where the C.E.B. will pose for the cameras wearing a real fireman coat with the smoke and flames in the background. This will reassure people and stymie his critics who have said, in a mean-spirited way, that he has done nothing toward actually stopping the emergency.

After almost two months, the fire rages on. Finally, somebody shows up with a really big fire engine that starts to make progress in extinguishing the flames and maybe even rescuing the trapped family. Cheers are heard around the neighborhood because tourism in the area may be saved! The progress is short-lived though because Big Government Bureaucrats order the really big fire engine to cease and desist. Apparently, there is an issue over the lack of child safety seats in the cab of the fire engine that needs to be looked into. A hearing is promptly scheduled for mid-October.

At another Big Government hearing, the builder of the house is questioned over his construction practices. The plumber is asked what he knows and when he knew it. There is talk of a new tax on greedy home builders who only care about making a living. The Chief Executive Bureaucrat cries that the fire is not his fault. He says that actually, the fault lies with the former Chief Executive Bureaucrat who knew people who built houses – and even lived in one himself.  Meanwhile, the fire rages on and on.

After more than two months, whose fault the fire was is still not determined but there is a lot of finger-pointing. Everybody in Big Government agrees though that the fire is just another example of why Big Government Bureaucrats need more control. Maybe new legislation is in order. Maybe stiff fines and prison sentences for guilty evil people! A new commission should be established, or would that be a bureau – or maybe a new czar!

And still the fire rages on. Best of luck to the trapped family.